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Boyfriend - Pah!

Text and Image Copyright Notice. Published under copyright by Loveawake USA. © Copyright 2010-2021. All rights reserved.

One of the standard 'totty' turndowns is 'I've got a boyfriend'. Ross isn't put off by that either. He has created a 'boyfriend destroyer' language pattern [a language pattern is a way of putting words together to create certain states of mind and mental actions in another person]. As he says in his literature ' She's got a boyfriend already! So what, here's how to knock him out of her mind so fast, it'll make your head spin and get her focused exclusively on you'. Of course, once she is focused on you, I think you have to be able to come across with the qualities she now thinks are missing in the boyfriend, else why should she swap him for you?

Once you've successfully got the girl to agree to listen to you Ross has 'sexual accelerator patterns' designed to and I quote 'bring her to dripping orgasm in a matter of minutes'. I'm not sure about this one.. but I can imagine how used in the right way, certain words could boost the sale of panty liners in women but the journey from wet knickers to orgasm in a few minutes... I'm reserving judgement on that one!

Learning to laugh as you learn

Ross, like me, has experienced the unique training style of Richard Bandler. To an outsider Bandler sounds more like a demonic long haired hippy with painted black nails doing a stand up comedy routine than a highly skilled genius teaching the finer points of human interaction. What a lot of people don't realise is that the comedy is designed to relax the learning sphincter so that the trainer can easily penetrate the depths of the mind and thrust in a bucketful of positive messages and learning points. Bandler calls this unconscious learning. It is a very different approach to the rote learning most of us have been subjected to in school.

Unconscious learning is great for big-picture people like me who are happy to sit back and let it wash over me. Ross has chosen a teaching style that falls somewhere between unconscious learning and step by step rote learning. To the more anally inclined, who sit with pens poised waiting to take down every letter of ever word uttered, Ross's stand-up comedy routine and apparent deviation from the subject matter may be a little frustrating. But they are soon rewarded for their patience when he has them taking down various language patterns word for word. The purpose behind this is clear to me. Ross wants them to know HOW the patterns work. The danger is that the detail merchants will see it as a ready made script for pulling and this isn't, I suspect the intention of the teaching.

Mr. or Mrs. Right: The clues are there

Often when we first meet, we spend time talking about our lives and past relationships. This is your opportunity to express what's important to you... stories tell us loads. And this is your opportunity to discover more about them.

Listen carefully because people are giving you clues all the time. They will tell you what they value and want indirectly. Make sure you reciprocate - and if what they reveal doesn't fit with you..and you still feel drawn, be careful... Check it out further. You could be heading for a minefield - and no-one walks into a minefield thinking 'I won't get hit this time or I can change the mines...this time it'll be different' It probably won't!!

Know who you are - Who are You?

You can't really work out if you want to see more of someone or if they are right for you unless you have a clear idea of what you value in yourself. Do you know who you are? What are the things that are dominant and important in your life, and what values do you hold so true that someone you are with has to have similar ones or else - no go!

Do you want kids? Or maybe you definitely don't want them. Are you sure? Many people continue through relationships and even get married, assuming that the other wants just what they want.

"I thought we wouldn't have kids until we'd had some time building our careers, say in 6 or 7 years time and I only discovered when Illona got pregnant that she'd wanted them immediately and that she assumed I would too. We'd never discussed it properly, but then you don't do you.." [This was sent to me by someone asking for help]

Love: Learning the Lesson

Published under copyright by Loveawake italia. © Copyright 2010-2021. All rights reserved.

This guy was probably attracted to you. He didn't force sex on you because you say you stayed together for two nights without sex. At least he didn't disappear after the first night. But remember, Susan, he is a man. He is programmed for sex. And even if the sex is great, he's going to need more time before he can even think about falling in love.

You can just realize that he is was an experience and you will be able to handle the next situation differently. What will help you is when you can be aware of and re-member fully what is great about you.. because like that, anything is possible. You just met a man who isn't right for you. Great, you don't want to be with a man who doesn't want you, do you?

And now I feel so betrayed, rejected and abused! He obviously lied to me and I feel stupid for finally believing him. But I also think he meant it in his way.

So you feel abused. This is your choice of feeling. I read a story in the paper about an American woman. One day she was shot as she pulled up at the traffic lights. She was blinded. She passed out and woke up to hear a man standing over her saying 'You've been shot, I'm going to get you to a hospital'. She passed out again and woke up to find herself being repeatedly raped by this man. He was the man who shot her.

As a result of this encounter the woman was permanently blinded. She could have chosen the route of self pity and anger and wanting to 'get this man'. Instead she said that each time she thought badly of this man, she was devoting energy to him, giving him space in her mind, giving him control over her. She had already been controlled by him once, in a horrible way, and she wasn't going to let him get her again.

She decided to let go and forgive him. She put him out of her life and started to speak about her experience in a very collected and calm way. She now tours the lecture circuits talking about forgiveness and her experience and how it allowed her to move on.

Read what you write here. 'But also I think he meant it in his way'. Yes, perhaps at that time, what he said was what he felt. He too may have been carried away by a strong desire for you. His desires are more likely to be translated into sexual terms whereas you are turning your desires into possibilities for relationship... man doing man, woman doing woman. It happens. Just learn to be OK and move on. AND if it's help you need with that, you may benefit from attending one of my flirting weekends.

I don't feel respected now and the only thing I want is to see him and throw it his face........ What can I do to let go of these feelings?

Great! You realise that holding these bad feelings are actually a waste of your energy or not good for you and you want to let go. You have made progress. Remember the woman who got raped. You didn't get raped. You can let go. As long as you are giving time to feeling bad and creating all kinds of horrible chemicals in your body you are doing yourself no good.

Think more often of how you are at your best.

  • What is great about you?
  • What are your best qualities?
  • What are your greatest achievements?
  • What do your friends like about you?

AND never be ashamed of anything said or shown about you..even if it isn't true. Stand on who you are and be proud. Stop worrying about what people will think.

A friend of mine is a journalist who interviews celebrities. She isn't digging dirt which she can expose later. She gets them to open up and she cares about people. As a result celebrities often allow her to write about their personal experiences of failed relationships, handling grief, failure, depression, abuse etc. By being open about themselves instead of hiding a 'dreadful secret' they allow it out in their way and they help other people rather than pretending to be perfect and incurring the resentment of others.

When you learn to feel good about your experience as a lesson in life, you can be open with your close friends and the true ones will respect you for your honesty and ability to sail through things.

All that you have experienced has brought you to here and now today. And what are you doing today is learning more about yourself as you travel your path.

You can let go, there are ways. That's what we teach people on the flirting weekends.. to let go and open out to who you really are and let go some more. When you free yourself from the constraints of other people's opinions about you, you are able to become who you are fully and completely.

Work like you don't need the money
Sing like no one can hear
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.

 

Bring Peace to His Life

Text and Image Copyright Notice. Published under copyright by Loveawake Canadian Chatroulette. © Copyright 2010-2021. All rights reserved.

Men are most attracted to happy women who genuinely like themselves and who enjoy being women. When you're happy, he feels successful. When you're a bottomless pit who never seems pleased by anything he does, he finally gets worn out and leaves. Kara Oh

Are you great to be around?

Are you a black cloud in your man’s life or are you a ray of sunshine? Do you add to your man’s life by being happy, content with yourself and recognising what is wonderful about him or do you constantly nag him and complain about what is not right because you are expecting him to compensate for what you haven’t got for yourself! BE CAREFUL if it’s the latter.

It is your duty to yourself to live your life to its fullest potential and enjoy being who you are. When you learn to like yourself and revel in how wonderful you are, you will give out a glow that is irresistible. Your man will want to bask in your rays. He will feel good being around you.

If you are constantly moaning about your problems, your man will instinctively try to fix it. John Gray says men try to find solutions. If he can’t and of course only YOU can fix your life, then he’ll feel bad about himself. You will become a constant reminder of this failure!

Eventually if you continue to be a miserable bitch, your man will find himself moving further and further away from you and can you blame him!

Sunshiner or a black clouder?

Explore yourself. As you ask yourself these questions, be honest, answer with what comes up first. Let your thoughts flow. This is just an exploration of self-discovery for you to gain awareness of yourself.

  • Do you wake up thinking about what you are grateful for rather than what you haven’t got?
  • When you are faced with a problem, do you see it as a challenge or a big hassle in your life?
  • If you are feeling bad, bored or unhappy do you expect the man in your life to make it all right?
  • Are you happy in your work? Are you doing YOU?

Of course it is wonderful to be able to share problems and challenges with your man. The difference is in how you approach it. Are you seeking to make it better or are you just wallowing in your misery. Remember that a man will try to solve your problem so if you want to wallow in your misery, don’t expect him to wallow with you. That’s what girlfriends are for, to let you wallow for a while and pick you up and cheer you up! BUT, remember that you need to be able to do this for yourself as well.

Brighten up

Learn how to focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Learn to be true to the real you. Learn to take leaps of faith when you listen to your intuiton. Read my book, Flirt Coach, and do the exercises. You will learn more about yourself and how to be happier, brighter and give out a glow.

Warning: Miserable and depressed people spread misery and depression to those around them. We unconsciously avoid them as we do someone with an infection. Unless you brighten up, you may find your man avoiding your infectious misery and seeking the infectious laughter of another!!