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This guy was probably attracted to you. He didn't force sex on you because you say you stayed together for two nights without sex. At least he didn't disappear after the first night. But remember, Susan, he is a man. He is programmed for sex. And even if the sex is great, he's going to need more time before he can even think about falling in love.
You can just realize that he is was an experience and you will be able to handle the next situation differently. What will help you is when you can be aware of and re-member fully what is great about you.. because like that, anything is possible. You just met a man who isn't right for you. Great, you don't want to be with a man who doesn't want you, do you?
And now I feel so betrayed, rejected and abused! He obviously lied to me and I feel stupid for finally believing him. But I also think he meant it in his way.
So you feel abused. This is your choice of feeling. I read a story in the paper about an American woman. One day she was shot as she pulled up at the traffic lights. She was blinded. She passed out and woke up to hear a man standing over her saying 'You've been shot, I'm going to get you to a hospital'. She passed out again and woke up to find herself being repeatedly raped by this man. He was the man who shot her.
As a result of this encounter the woman was permanently blinded. She could have chosen the route of self pity and anger and wanting to 'get this man'. Instead she said that each time she thought badly of this man, she was devoting energy to him, giving him space in her mind, giving him control over her. She had already been controlled by him once, in a horrible way, and she wasn't going to let him get her again.
She decided to let go and forgive him. She put him out of her life and started to speak about her experience in a very collected and calm way. She now tours the lecture circuits talking about forgiveness and her experience and how it allowed her to move on.
Read what you write here. 'But also I think he meant it in his way'. Yes, perhaps at that time, what he said was what he felt. He too may have been carried away by a strong desire for you. His desires are more likely to be translated into sexual terms whereas you are turning your desires into possibilities for relationship... man doing man, woman doing woman. It happens. Just learn to be OK and move on. AND if it's help you need with that, you may benefit from attending one of my flirting weekends.
I don't feel respected now and the only thing I want is to see him and throw it his face........ What can I do to let go of these feelings?
Great! You realise that holding these bad feelings are actually a waste of your energy or not good for you and you want to let go. You have made progress. Remember the woman who got raped. You didn't get raped. You can let go. As long as you are giving time to feeling bad and creating all kinds of horrible chemicals in your body you are doing yourself no good.
Think more often of how you are at your best.
- What is great about you?
- What are your best qualities?
- What are your greatest achievements?
- What do your friends like about you?
AND never be ashamed of anything said or shown about you..even if it isn't true. Stand on who you are and be proud. Stop worrying about what people will think.
A friend of mine is a journalist who interviews celebrities. She isn't digging dirt which she can expose later. She gets them to open up and she cares about people. As a result celebrities often allow her to write about their personal experiences of failed relationships, handling grief, failure, depression, abuse etc. By being open about themselves instead of hiding a 'dreadful secret' they allow it out in their way and they help other people rather than pretending to be perfect and incurring the resentment of others.
When you learn to feel good about your experience as a lesson in life, you can be open with your close friends and the true ones will respect you for your honesty and ability to sail through things.
All that you have experienced has brought you to here and now today. And what are you doing today is learning more about yourself as you travel your path.
You can let go, there are ways. That's what we teach people on the flirting weekends.. to let go and open out to who you really are and let go some more. When you free yourself from the constraints of other people's opinions about you, you are able to become who you are fully and completely.
Work like you don't need the money
Sing like no one can hear
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.